This roughness will soon pass. Parents being parents and us growing up. If we were still young, we’d be scared and follow their every command or get sad when they’re mad. But we have grown and aqcuired new ways of thinking. The way they are may be a pain, but it is all there to help you in the future. - Either from being able to distinguish things from being reasonable or not, to teaching you patience. So many lessons to be learned through these tests you keep finding yourself in. You just have to recognize that it is all for your own good. -Mirrors to reflect upon and see you who you, yourself, are. In the end, we escalate. Frustration will always be there, but we can control these happenings from getting to us. Maybe not right now, for we are still growing. All in all. We end up stronger. Tougher. Solid. Experienced. Equiped for any other similar incident. We are a learning and powerful people. And you, are amazing and unique. You can do ALL things through Christ whom strengthens you. This applies to all of us.
I’ve learned that my newfound relationship with God is a direct reflection of me becoming an adult and having the privilege of making my own decisions. Growing up, I never found God at church. Why? Simply because, to me as a child, “church” was nothing more than a building, a location. If we were late to this church’s mass, we’ll scooch on over to next church’s mass. But, by doing that, we missed out on what church is really about: our relationship with God and our relationship with others. However, recently, I’ve learned that I don’t need church to find God. I’ve found him more so in my relationship with certain people, my relationship with myself, in what I do, and in how I act. Each obstacle we are given is a testament to the free will God has given us. Day in and day out, I try to do what’s best and I always seek Him for strength. Always. Throughout the previous 18 years of my life, not once have I ever felt this spiritually content. I guess what I’m trying to get at, is that, despite the fact that I’ve grown up a certain way, only recently have I discovered a new side of myself. A side different from my upbringing. We are all becoming our own individuals, making our own decisions, and my way of seeking God different from the way I was brought up is a testament to that.
“From now on, I’ma use self control instead of birth control, ‘cuz three-hundred and fifteen dollars ain’t worth your soul, three-hundred and fifteen dollars ain’t worth your soul.”—Retrospect for life - Common
I wonder who puts clothes on your back, a roof under your head, food to eat, and extra money in your pockets. Oh right, your parents.
So don’t be irrational and overreact and give them a hard time for something that didn’t go your way once. If you were to make it on your own (without your parent’s help, of course), you wouldn’t last to make rent.
Vulnerability isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. Strength in having the courage to put yourself out there and be susceptible to being hurt. Sort of like a warrior going into war. Ain't nothing more courageous than that, right?
Growing up is inevitable, but is growing apart something that we can take control over? We grow up, we gradually find out who we are and what we want and we take on the world. But what about the friends and loved ones we made along the way? They grow as well, and they go through the same changes as we do. But most of the time, the person you once knew, will grow into another person. You’ll find that you aren’t compatible with people you once were close with. Differing views, and differing opinions will gradually develop and you might find yourself moving on in different directions. And this is completely fine. It’s inevitable that you will suffer losses in your life, you just need to understand the reason behind them, learn from them and move on.
I find it interesting how, whenever a woman refuses to give a man what he wants, all of a sudden she’s a slut, a hoe, bitch, a hater, a something. Why is that? I mean, what reasons do these so-called men have to justify calling me a slut? Is it because I have self respect and refuse to compromise myself and my dignity to them lonely ass, sex deprived desperados? If that is indeed the reason why, then I certainly have no problem climbing up to the mountain tops and yelling it loud and proud, “I’m a sluuuut!” I’m a slut for respecting myself and for refusing to give in to a bunch of sex crazed creepos. T’aha. I mean, truth is: We, ladies, are put in a real messed up, lose-lose situation. Fuck with him, you’re a slut. Refuse to bend over, you’re a bitch. So which is it gonna be? Me, I’d much rather be called eeeevery name in the book if I know it’s because I put myself first before any lameass, sweet talkin’ perv. But hey, that’s just me. Fuck what creepos say about you. You know who you are and if to them, you’re a slut, then it don’t matter because they don’t matter. That’s my mentality.
"You're bound to run into the walls you build in life..."
You know what I find a bit funny and ironic? I find it funny how, even with all the walls we build as protection against people who have the potential of hurting us, the only person that does end up hurting you is the one person you let into your life, into your heart, and passed those useless walls. As cynical as that may sound, you’ve got to admit that it’s true. So, with that in mind, I can’t help but think: Can we ever be 100% trusting and certain that the person we’re letting into our lives won’t hurt us? Answer is: We can’t. No one can. Just as the saying goes, “Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed”. Well, hate to admit it, but neither are anyone’s feelings. I mean, hey, we’ve all had a change of heart. Whether it be for Team Edward or Team Jacob or for our 20 different crushes in the 8th grade. It happens. But, what I’m trying to say is this: No one ever guaranteed that we wouldn’t be hurt and we can never be 110% trusting, so what’s one to do? Well, we just simply have to maintain faith in ourselves and the people we let into our lives. Faith that they won’t do us wrong. Faith that they have enough strength in themselves to keep their word and stay true, stay loyal. And, faith that we, ourselves, stay strong if or when things do go awry. Hey, that’s our only weapon - Staying positive and keeping faith. So, don’t let the thought of hurt and heartache keep you from tearing down those walls and letting people into your lives. Keep your chin up and things should be okay.
I don't, nor have ever, wanted a fairytale romance.
See, for me, the thing is: Fairytales are make believe. They aren’t real. — And that’s what I want: Something real, a real relationship. A relationship where the two of us can just be ourselves without any judgement passed against each other, one where we both can laugh and embrace each others flaws, no matter how bad, because we’re both grown enough to understand and appreciate that those little details are what make us who we are. A relationship built on the foundation of trust & honesty, one where we both can find enough courage in each other to step front against the masks we wear and show our true colors — a sense of being up-front and brave enough to step up and say, “Hey, this is me! Hate it or love it.” I want a relationship where everything just clicks, one where my laughs are loud and proud, and my smile, genuine, where being with him isn’t a task, it’s a pleasure. A relationship where feelings are raw and communication is key, one where we can confide in each other and be grown enough to say how we feel and what’s on our mind, good or bad. I want a relationship where the only rules we follow are the rules we make, one where right and wrong is measured by what we feel in our hearts, not by the rules that come in the handbook. To put it simply: A relationship where we can just be us, naturally and comfortably. Fuck fairytales.
Hands down, I’m too proud for love. But with eyes shut, its you im thinking of. But how we move from A to B, it cant be up to me 'cuz you dont know who i was before you. &basically to see a change in me i’d be losing so i just ignore you yeah ooooh but you’re on my mind, my mind, my mind, my mind, my mind oohhh and maybe in time,in time, in time i’ll tell you i’m a litle bit, a little bit, a little bit in la la la —
"You’re going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it’s always their actions you should judge them by. It’s actions, not words, that matter."
I strongly believe in this. Anyone can say anything to appease me or tickle my fancy. But, I’ve learned that words are just words - it’s your actions that make the difference. Remember what we learned in English class? How a concrete detail is necessary to back up, support your topic sentence. Well, similarly, I’ve learned only to allow myself to believe one’s words so long as they provide me with concrete details, reasons as to why they mean what they say. Reasons, only valid to me, as actions. I mean, that’s fair, isn’t it? I owe it to myself to know better than to indulge in potentially false hopes created by false words. You know what they say, I need to see it to believe it.
Meet me halfway. - A popular theme in tonight’s cotc sesh. Popular, simply because, well.. it’s true. I’ve learned that we, in relationships of any sort, have to learn how to set aside our differences and compromise. My dad always told me, “Relationships are about giving and taking.” - Not either or. One can’t always be giving themselves and accomodating the needs of someone else, all the time. Sometimes, that someone else has to learn to put that same effort in, too. Am I right? I think it’s safe to say that: In life, things don’t always go our way. It’s natural that they don’t. But, when they don’t, we have to find ways to work it out. And the only way for something to work out, is to be understanding and again, be willing to set aside your differences and compromise.
Then again, I’ve also learned - experienced, if you will - that you could only compromise so much. Everyone has their limits. There’s only so much you’re willing to give up, until one day, you’ve had enough and realize that, the extent to which your compromising yourself isn’t worth how much you’re giving to someone else. And when you have realized that, the best thing to do is simply to, well… move on. I, indeed, have realized that.
Last night was fun. My best friend since 2nd grade, Camilla, came down from Chino Hills just to pay her good friend a visit!(: She wanted to step out of her bubble and go out for a fun night in L.A. So, we got all dolled up and picked Carlos up from his pad. Hit up the bank for cashmonay and, of course, the loyal Azteca for, well, you know. Headed on over to a party by Sunset. Pretty chill. Nice digs. Thing is: We felt like babies @ that party. Not our scene, yet, I suppose. Instead, we stayed to pee and gtfo of there. Thankfully, I knew of a party by Bravo, so I took them there afterwards. Lemme just say, the neighborhood was ghhhhettto. But, the house seemed aright so we decided to hit it up. Paid for the entrance fee (did you know it’s illegal to charge entrance fees for a party located on a residential street? just fyi.) and we were in. Place was packed! Hella crowded - shimmied like a penguin tryna squeeze through the masses. Saw a couple familiar faces but I ain’t ever good at run-ins, so I never say hi. Cornered ourselves in the dark for a bit tryna settle in, sippin and listenin to the music. Spent the entire time, afterwards, dancing on the dance floor with my two buds!(: Had an aaamazing time, I must admit. But, as with most parties, cops came and so we jammed. Carlos knew of an afterparty and so he drove but never found it, so instead we stayed posted for a bit tryna figure out what to do. Um, yea. Found out Adam was havin a kickback and so we hit it up. Yaaawp. It was chill. But Camilla wanted to leave and so did I, so we jammed and headed home. Ugh, but the buzz Joose gives me.. makes me.. say.. stupid things, apparently. - I don’t like that. Haha. But overall, last night was a fun night!(: Wish I had pictures.
“Sometimes we need to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future, stop figuring out precisely how we feel, stop deciding with our minds exactly what we want our hearts to feel. Sometimes we just have to go with the flow and enjoy life.”—(via geraldinee)